I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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