I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
