there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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