I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
