Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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