he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
