I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
