My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
