his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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