you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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