You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just gift wrapped bread.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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