woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
