she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
