No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
