Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you win again, gameday.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
