Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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