Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
