he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
