I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
