i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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