Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
