I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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