Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
