Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
