i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize