Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
