im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
