im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
