"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
