Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize