Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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