i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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