Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize