what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
