don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
