youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
