My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
