that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
