You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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