I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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