Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
