I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
