grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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