There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
