i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
