So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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