i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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