tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
