I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
