tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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