So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
