Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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