you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
