Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
