drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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