smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
