so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
