I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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