I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
