cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
