Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
