He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
