I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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