Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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