she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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