Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
