im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
