Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We need to get me chipped asap
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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