Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
