At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
