would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
