If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize