I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
