Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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